


Jealous Mistress

by sidebyside_archivist



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bonding, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-09-01
Updated: 2000-09-01
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19732645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidebyside_archivist/pseuds/sidebyside_archivist
Summary: While on shoreleave on Deneb Spock lets on that he has much deeper feelings for Kirk than just friendship.





	Jealous Mistress

**Author's Note:**

> Note from LadyKardasi and Sahviere, the archivists: this story was originally archived at [Side by Side](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Side_by_Side_\(Star_Trek:_TOS_zine\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. We tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Side by Side’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sidebyside/profile).

Kirk let out a laugh and sat back in his wide seat. Colors and beings swirled around the table they were encircling. The social butterflies of Deneb chuckled and clucked along with the joke. Spock looked up as a Catian poured more Benanin punch from a small hose into the table's central dispenser. Wren Arserer, a tall blond humanoid of dubious royal background, sat at the head of the low table, preening himself.

"Well, Captain," he began, "You are not quite what I would have expected from the stories told about you."

Kirk finished his swallow of punch, his eyes slightly red from several previous glasses. "Really, how so?" He gave the other his disarming smile.

"Well... you are shorter than I imagined." Kirk gave a mock frown. "But you are as charmed as the Prince of Hyster to have escaped from so many potentially, shall we say... mortal circumstances."

"Charmed?" Kirk waggled his eyebrows at Chryselis, an entertainer everyone at the party seemed to treat as distinguished. Her makeup was tattooed on her face so even at this late and humid hour, she looked as though she had just come out of the dressing room. "I like to think of it as charm-ing."

Wren leaned forward and slid past Chryselis and another very drunk being to sit beside Kirk. He refilled both of their glasses. "You know..." he began, then leaned back to snag a plate of snacks from a passing waitperson. "I always get what I want. But I have a feeling that..." He set the snacks down on the table for the others. "...You aren't the type who would ever give me what I want."

Wren downed half of his drink. Kirk suspected that the "prince" had taken alcohol absorbers and that the drunkenness was an act. "Do you always get what you want, James?" Kirk failed to notice Spock stiffen beside him, but Wren paused as if he may have noticed. "It's all right if I call you "James", isn't it?"

"Certainly," Kirk replied, about to take a drink, but thinking that he shouldn't attempt to keep up with these heavier partiers, set his drink back down and instead reached for one of the fresh snacks.

Wren smiled and put an arm up on the chair back behind Kirk. "You are a very intriguing Human. I've always wanted to meet you. It amazes me that you have managed to retain such forceful individuality in the face of military discipline." He's definitely not feeling that alcohol, Kirk thought. "Such an oppressive life." Wren shook his head and smiled broadly at Kirk. "You don't get much opportunity to relax, do you?" His look was suggestive.

Kirk smiled disarmingly back, his mind working to keep up with this far more savvy social butterfly... without letting him down too hard. Chryselis was watching Kirk seductively also. Why isn't she the one over here? Kirk thought wryly. "I manage."

"Yeeesss... I've heard a bit how you manage." He ate a steaming stuffed roll. "You know," Wren leaned forward, "I have a degree in Thelispian Massage..."

"You went to school?" Kirk asked a bit louder, shocked. He hadn't thought anyone was paying attention to them, but the table erupted in laughter.

"Well..." Wren backed off, with an expression of mock hurt. "Let's just say I had a private tutor for four years." He leaned back with his drink and a satisfied smirk.

Kirk looked over to reach for his own drink, and realized Spock was gone. He sobered up immediately and looked around the large room, trying to spot the Vulcan's sky-blue uniform. Wren's voice brought him back to the table. "I think your friend left."

Kirk looked at him. "How long ago?"

Wren pursed his lips, wondering at this sudden change in his prey. "Just a few moments."

Kirk stood up, a strange sinking feeling he couldn't identify was compelling him to find Spock as soon as possible. "What do I owe--".

"Pssshaw", Wren waved him off. "Don't even think of contributing, you are my guest..." He rapidly considered options that might allow Kirk to continue to be his guest.

Kirk backed away from the table and bowed slightly to Wren and company. "It was a lovely evening."

Wren grabbed his wrist as he started to turn away. Looking at him closely he said in a low voice. "I can show you a lot more than even a Vulcan. Or maybe I should say, especially more..."

Kirk gently recovered his arm. He wasn't even going to attempt to explain. "The offer is flattering Meneer Arserer, but I really have to go." He strode quickly to the door without looking back. The stillness of the street despite the auto-tram traffic and the footsteps and laughter of the many pedestrians was a shock compared to the nightclub. Kirk looked up and down the street. The doorman, a dour older man in a tux, stepped up to Kirk. "Can I help you, Meneer?" "Maybe. Did you see a Vulcan? In a uniform like mine, come out here a moment ago?" Kirk mind cast ahead to Spock's possible destinations, avoiding confronting the question of why he left without saying anything.

"He was wearing a different color than Meneer..." Kirk looked hopefully at him. "He went that way." A long bony finger pointed directly across the street at an area of dark trees that made up a large park along the waterfront.

"Thank you," Kirk said over his shoulder as he dove into traffic to cross the street.

Kirk could barely see the entrance through the trees, his eyes were so maladapted to the dark. But he managed with only tripping twice to find the wide path he had noticed from the auto-tram earlier in the day. He instinctively went left and jogged forward a little. He thought he could see a dark form ahead on the path. There was no one else around. He slowed to a fast walk, "Spock?" The figure stopped to let Kirk catch up. Kirk could not discern the other's expression in the dim light. The traffic and the crowds seemed miles away, for a moment it was all Kirk could think about, all of those beings out for the night all over the vast city.

"Why did you leave?" he asked pointedly. Spock turned away and started walking along the water. Kirk realized how much he relied on reading Spock's expression to tell his moods. He suddenly remembered how it felt to interact with Spock when he first took command over two years ago and hadn't any idea how to work with his enigmatic First.

Kirk let out an exasperated breath and followed. This of all things pushed Spock into speaking. "I do not understand," he said opaquely.

Kirk was relieved that Spock had said anything; his behavior was so uncharacteristic, Kirk was afraid he was going to remain silent. Kirk detected a note of very rare anger in the deep voice and now thought he could see it in the other's silhouette.

"Do not understand what?" Kirk let his own lack of patience color his voice.

"How you can consider such intimacy with a total stranger," Spock stated coldly.

"I wasn't considering anything. Meneer Wren was the one considering."

Kirk wondered now if it was a mistake to have taken Spock into such an environment. He hadn't even considered that the other wouldn't be able to cope with a table full of illogical beings. After all, he'd done it before without any problems.

Spock's voice grew even lower, more angry, "It did not appear that way." He paused. "You often give yourself over to total strangers, while I..." He stopped himself and shook his head as if to clear it.

"They were always female." He murmured, "I didn't imagine that you would consider..." His voice trailed off and he turned away.

Kirk stood rooted to one spot while the pieces fell into place. Spock had walked many paces ahead before Kirk collected himself.

"Spock?" Kirk's mind raced through the many past times together when he may have been taunting his friend.

"Spock... why didn't you tell me?" He sounded as if he were asking himself. Even in the low light, Kirk could see Spock collapse to his knees. He ran to him in concern. The dark head remained bowed, as Spock sat back up off of his hands. Kirk crouched in front of him and grasped his shoulders. "Are you all right?" he asked gently.

The Vulcan nodded. The light was a little better here, and Kirk could see the other's expression. Spock looked like he was about to face an executioner. He was biting his lower lip and refusing to meet Kirk's eyes. Kirk took a deep breath, "Let's go back to the hotel, okay?"

The night animals and insects were getting louder, but they quieted as the two invaders stood and walked out of the park.

The journey to the hotel passed in silence. Spock sat through the hover ride with a closed expression which Kirk didn't want to broach in public.

They stopped before Kirk's door. It opened at his touch. "Come in for a few minutes, Spock," Kirk said with the command tone that expects to be obeyed. Spock followed him through the door.

As they entered the room, Kirk tossed his jacket over a chair and took a deep breath. He hadn't figured out how to approach this but decided to charge on rather than give the Vulcan time to close up completely. "First of all," he started, "I need you to understand that had I known..." Kirk noticed that Spock had yet to remove his cape and was standing in the middle of the room with his back to his captain. He plowed on: "... I would not have behaved the way I did.

It is a silly Human game, only that." Kirk mentally kicked himself for the twentieth time and walked over to stand beside the other, watching his proud profile for any hint of what was going on inside.

His voice lowered with emotion. "I would never hurt you intentionally, Spock. Please believe that." There was no response.

Kirk walked over to the bar and poured some local alcoholic liquid into two glasses. He walked back and handed one to Spock before sitting down on the long bent couch. Spock shook himself and seemed to realize he was still dressed for outside. He shrugged out of the cape and laid it on the couch. Kirk observed the taught shoulders and gaunt face as the other sat down. The silence was stretching too far. "What do you need me to say, Spock?"

"I do not know," was the immediate response. Answering made the Vulcan appear even more strained. Kirk began to fear seriously for Spock's emotional well-being. "I had not intended for you to discover the existence of these feelings," Spock said, staring at some point beyond the far wall. "I did not wish to jeopardize our friendship."

"As far as I'm concerned, you haven't jeopardized anything." Kirk spoke soothingly. Spock's shoulders relaxed a micron, though he still looked to be in pain. Kirk ached for a solution to this emotional mess. He took a gulp of his drink, the pain of the burn felt good as a punishment for his blindness.

Kirk took Spock's untouched drink from unresisting fingers and set both glasses on the side table. He then reached up and turned the other's face toward him by the jaw. The dark eyes were slow to meet his own and Kirk realized with a pang of helplessness that Spock's battle was internal and that he was relegated to observer status. Spock turned his head farther to dislodge Kirk's touch. Kirk sat back and clasped his hands together.

"May I ask a question?" Kirk said.

"If you wish."

"Are these feelings all Human feelings?" Spock shook his head. "Sorry," Kirk said, "thought it might be helpful to understand."

Kirk finished his drink in one swallow. He savored the warm sedation of it, letting it release some of the intensity and strain. He set the empty glass down and stared across the dim room to the night view of the sprawling city with its impossibly black border of sea. Yellow lights flashed at the ends of the piers, spindly, delicate structures reaching out into the immense flat emptiness. Kirk did an emotional inventory and decided what was most important. "I value your friendship a great deal. I don't want to lose it."

There was no response. Kirk grasped Spock's upper arm. The Vulcan sat upright and pulled away. Kirk held on. Spock's voice was raspy, "Jim, your touch is painful to me."

Kirk's eyes suddenly stung. He let go and stood up, grabbing his empty glass and walking back to the bar. Resting his elbows on the counter he pressed his fingers against his eyes. "We should talk about this tomorrow." No reply. "Promise me one thing Spock..."

The reply was unreadably even. "If you wish."

"Don't shut me out." There was again no reply.

Kirk heard the shuffle of fabric as Spock stood. "May I be excused, Captain?" The voice almost normal. Kirk nodded without lifting his head. He heard the door open and close.

"Damn." Kirk muttered to no one.

\-------------

D'srexn's office/residence was in a remote part of town on a hilltop. Spock stopped before the gate and looked at the un-orderly garden. It was a most un-Vulcan yard. The door opened and the elderly Vulcan greeted Spock and motioned him inside. The Vulcan was the only Doctor of the Mind in the capital of whom Spock had recognized the family name. He had determined that counsel was in order and had made a very early appointment, expecting to return long before Kirk sought him out, though delaying that discussion was not an unwelcome thought.

This Vulcan lived mostly in the style of the natives, with many indoor plants and the long low bent couch. D'srexn seemed to notice Spock's observation. "Do you prefer a traditional setting?" he said leading him into a well-appointed meditation room. Multiple fire pots spread red warmth through Spock, a resting stone of fine black absid lined the short wall. Spock selected a respectful spot on the floor and sat on his feet.

D'srexn sat before him. "I sense emotional turmoil in you, Spock."

Spock took up a second meditative position. "I have an unwelcome emotion that I cannot control."

"What is the origin of this emotion?"

Spock shook his head, "What manner of origin? The germination? The precipitate reaction... "

"The question is intentionally vague. Use whichever meaning you feel is most enlightening."

Spock lowered his eyes. "I believe close contact with Humans ... certain Humans is drawing out strong emotion in me."

D'srexn studied him closely and then nodded. "You are Ambassador Sarek's son?" Spock looked up, not completely masking his surprise. "Forgive, your name and position seemed familiar, but after 200 I can't seem to recall such details as well as before." He sat thoughtfully for several minutes. "Are you willing to tell me what the emotion is?" Spock bowed his head. "Ah, well, such shame. I believe I can guess. Is it quite strong?" Spock nodded. "Have you some control?"

"Yes."

"I assume you are here because continuing to control it is not an option."

Spock composed himself and thought his words through. "It is the only emotion for which control and denial creates even more powerful emotions of... anguish, perhaps."

D'srexn raised an eyebrow. "Some would advocate eradicating such an emotion. It is not something I practice." He stood and tended a firepot that was sputtering. Sitting back down closer this time, he reached out his hands. "May I?" Spock bowed his head in acceptance and the long gnarled fingers contacted his face.

D'srexn sat back. "A complicated problem, Spock. The strongest emotion I detect currently is due to causing another emotional pain, for which you are responsible"

Spock shook his head in frustration and said defensively, "I had to close my mind, I would have lost control."

"And what would have resulted?" Spock did not reply. "His opinion of you is very important, I understand, but he also knows you are not infinitely strong. If he expects you to be, he is a fool, which is obviously not the case since you hold him in such high regard. Also I am amazed at the control you have considering that you are keeping a t'hiavern link open to him."

The doctor's look became piercing. "Are you using it to relieve the strain from the severed betrothal bond?"

"It does ease the need for another bonding." Spock admitted reluctantly.

"Does he know this about the link?"

Spock shook his head, "No." There was quiet for a breath. "I see that I have not been logical for much of the way."

"One can build a staircase where each stair looks true to the one below it, but the staircase is quite crooked at the end. You know what your options are." He said soothingly. "you simply must choose between them. Accepting that choice and continuing is only logical.

\-----------------------------

Kirk buzzed at Spock's door to no avail. The computer access beside the door stated that the room's occupant was not present at this time. Kirk decided to go to breakfast.

The food was mediocre, but Kirk wouldn't have tasted it anyway. Looking around at the crowd he saw Spock walk in the front door. Sharp dark eyes spotted him almost at the same time.

The mixed hopefulness and desolation in Kirk's eyes stabbed straight through Spock as he made his way though the small cafe. As Spock sat down, Kirk relaxed when he noticed that the other was much less tense than the night before.

"Want some breakfast?" Kirk cracked a weak grin, "I'm buying." Spock shook his head and rested his chin on his hands, "Juice?" Kirk said pushing his untouched glass toward to the other.

Spock eyed it, and his stomach complained at the thought of refusing. He drank it in one swallow. "I must meditate for the rest of the morning, Jim." He hadn't intended to use his first name, he mentally shook himself. "I will be in my room if you wish to talk."

He stood up. Kirk nodded and the Vulcan departed.

The pink-aproned waitperson reappeared. She smacked her gum and pulled her writing stylus from behind her ear. "Is yar friend comin'

back?"

The question chilled Kirk. He shook his head mutely.

\-----------------------------

Kirk wandered the town for three hours before finding himself a block from the hotel. He couldn't turn around and head away again. He turned up the main pedestrian mall and headed for the hotel tower. He buzzed Spock's door and it opened immediately. Spock sat at the computer terminal. As Kirk entered, he switched it off and rose.

"You seem to be feeling better." Kirk stated.

Spock nodded. "I must apologize for my behavior last night..."

"Don't worry about it." Kirk cut in.

"No." Spock said strongly, "It was not proper of me." His voice softened, "I cannot pretend to not understand your emotions. I should not have taken my internal conflict out on you. You were trying to be a friend and I would not allow it."

Kirk cut in again, "I shouldn't expect you to behave like a Human."

Spock shook his head. "You never do."

Kirk sighed, and sat on the couch. The one in Spock's room was mauve which clashed horribly with the red and green hand woven rug. This was at least a different level of confusion, Kirk thought to himself. Spock sat stiffly across from him. "I must also confess something to you, Jim."

Kirk looked stunned. "All right."

"The link we share is... perhaps more important to me than I made you aware." Kirk blinked at him, trying to digest that. Spock pursed his lips momentarily and tried again, "As an unbonded Vulcan male, I would have some minor difficulties were we not sharing the mind link that we are. I failed to inform you of this significance."

Kirk put his head in his hands in relief. "Jim?" Spock's concerned voice broke his self-absorption.

"Spock..." Kirk managed a smile. "I don't mind that the link means more to you than you told me. I kind of knew from the melds... Well, never mind..." He sat up straight. "I take it you are all right with... your feelings, my knowing...?"

Spock nodded.

Kirk breathed a sigh of relief. "I was afraid you would run away."

"That would not have helped, since it is within me that the difficulty lies."

Kirk took this in, wanting to reach out to seal the understanding with a touch, but instead clasped his hands together.

"Well, I didn't have any lunch." Kirk stood, yearning to enforce normalcy on the situation. "Care to join me?"

"Certainly, Captain."

They walked along the waterfront. Boats bobbed in berth along the piers. Some looked too old to be afloat and seemed to be above water purely out of habit. A small cafe was set up in a small cement inlet at the base of a facet-shaped apartment block. Kirk gestured with his head that he thought it looked good. They took a seat in a crowded area of metal tables and chairs. Kirk pushed the button for two diluted fruit punches and a waitperson swooped in with them almost immediately.

Kirk looked across at the other who was gazing out over the sun-bright water. The noise made their table in the close crowd seem intimate. "Penny for your thoughts, Spock." he said coyly. Spock turned to him with a tilted-head expression of question.

"Are you interested in my thoughts about the high pressure causing clear weather or port efficiency?"

Kirk laughed and drank his punch. "I thought maybe you were thinking about us."

"Such thoughts are usually too distracting." Spock stated quietly. Kirk froze in surprise at the openness.

"What do you have to be distracted from right now?" Kirk said, wanting to soothe the pain he knew must be buried there somewhere.

A waitperson with a tray of sandwiches interrupted. The server rattled off the names of the sandwiches in rapid fire. Kirk grabbed a ham and cheese for himself and vegetarian for Spock. "He said it was "potato"." Kirk said with amusement at the thought. Spock unwrapped and inspected it with a raised brow. "Is it?" Kirk asked.

"It appears to be deep-fried." Spock said evenly.

"The sandwich?"

"The potato."

"Ah." Kirk responded as he watched Spock take a bite. A "not-bad"

expression appeared on Spock's face. An emotional ache had been building in Kirk's gut all morning and he wished he could ease it. Watching Spock was making it worse. Kirk looked around at the other tables, at the yellow, odd-looking apartments, at the crazy tilt of the glass roof of the monorail station across the plaza.

"I have nothing right now from which to be distracted." Spock said continuing their conversation. "...unfortunately."

Kirk ached more. Spock never needed anything from him; this was such an unusual position to be in. He ate his sandwich in thought. His heart felt like it was attempting to stretch out of his chest across the table and touch the Vulcan in sympathy. Was it pity he was feeling? he wondered. No, it was affection he decided. He knew unrequited love all too well.

"Would you like more of a distraction?" Kirk asked, feeling giddy with such a statement and wondering how the other would take it.

Spock's dark eyes looked up at him steadily, gauging him. Kirk finished his sandwich and crumpled up the wrapper. "I would do anything for you, Spock." He said, and as he did, realized the complete truth of it. It was a dizzying thought. Spock continued to watch his eyes, silently. Kirk kept his gaze easy, but did not let it waver.

Eventually he said, "I believe I would." His eyes darted away nervously. "I am willing to commit to this path as a way of knowing myself more fully. But I am not, certain of my..." there was a long pause, "skill". He finally finished lamely.

Kirk smiled affectionately at him and shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Spock."

Kirk pulled out a credit chip which he inserted into the table slot. It popped back out and he stood up. Spock stood gracefully. Not for the first time, Kirk envied him his long, tall grace. Without further discussion they continued on their walk. In the distance a great lever-like silver bridge arched over the wide river to the far shore. Kirk admired its solid grace before turning a corner toward the city centre. They continued on in companionable silence, it was only early afternoon, too early to return for the day though Kirk was tempted to suggest it. They passed a row of outdoor cafes surrounding a large square of bottom-lit metal grates. "Captain!" Mr. Scott's voice called out over the ripple of conversations. Kirk weaved through the tables toward the waving Scot.

"Aye, Captain, Mr. Spock, have a seat and a beer. Ya never tasted a finer Scottish ale."

"I thought it was Belgian." Randolph, an engineering assistant said, staring through his lifted glass. The table fell silent.

"Ach, ya got ta be kidding lad."

Randolph reached for the menu, "No, I thought I saw..." He paused. "You know Sir, you must be right."

"Aye." Scotty said intending to end it.

Kirk repressed his grinning and pulled up a chair.

"One for the captain," Scotty said to a passing server.

"How was the party last night, Sir?" Smythe asked.

"The party?" Kirk asked. "Oh, yes." He shrugged, forgetting both the party and the fuss everyone had made when rumors of the invitation had travelled the ship. "Not very relaxing." He resisted glancing at Spock. His beer arrived. "A toast." He lifted his glass. "Mr. Spock, you don't have a glass." He teased.

Spock sat cross-armed. "That is all right, Captain. I shall join in spirit."

Kirk looked around the table to compose his toast and noticed the gazes of the engineering staff on the two of them. My god, Kirk thought, they already think we're lovers. He'd never considered that before and it upset his balance more than he'd expected. "To the Enterprise." Originally, he intended to say to "friends". "...and her engines." he nodded at Mr. Scott.

"Aye." Glasses clinked. The beer was very good, whatever its origin.

After the first round the lower officers began to nudge each other. Smythe started to stand. "There is a show we wanted to catch, uh, with your leave, Sir." he said to Kirk. Kirk waved them away.

"Ach, di ya feel like visitin' the maritime museum with me, Captain?"

Scotty asked.

"Sure, sounds interesting." Kirk turned to his companion. "You?" Spock nodded and stood also.

They walked back to the waterfront. Kirk realized as the approached the shore that this road led over the bridge he had seen earlier; it had looked much farther away before. Hovercars disappeared over the middle of the arch as they traversed the waterway.

The museum was housed in a glass building on the wharf. Kirk wandered aimlessly around random ship parts and models. A display of a skirmish between early groups of colonists caught his attention. Miniature hologram sloops skirted around each other on a miniature ocean as the colonists tried to use crudely mounted lasers to burn the other's sheets. A tri-dee let out of a nearby room and the museum grew suddenly crowded. Scotty sidled up to him, "Uh, beggin' your pardon Captain, may I have a word?"

Kirk looked surprised. "Sure." Mr. Scott eyed Spock across the room and nodded to the now empty projection room.

Kirk closed the door behind them with a click. "What is it?"

"Well, it is like this Sir." Scotty seemed uncomfortable. "Before your arrival a' the pub I had a long talk with a lovely local lassy. She's followed us here and just asked me for an introduction, well, to you, Sir."

Kirk relaxed, "Oh."

"Well, typically I wouldna hesitate, but, and begging your pardon, Captain since it is non' o' ma business, but the last few shore leaves ya havna' spent any time on local companionship. So I find myself somewhat uncertain -- ya show signs of havin' settled down. If ya'

don' mind me sayin' so, Sir."

Kirk looked at him, thinking of the earlier gazes of the officers. "How long has this been going around?"

"Ah, since the mission with them nerve cell beasties."

Kirk shook his head and tilted it back to stare at the ceiling. "How did you know?" he sounded exasperated.

"Ach, I apologize Captain, I shouldna be askin' such things." he started for the door.

Kirk reached out and grabbed his upper arm. "What I mean to ask is, how did YOU know, when I didn't?"

Scotty stopped and stared at him, "Are ya kiddin' me lad?"

Kirk appeared chastened. "No."

"Aye. One look at that Vulcan... Well, Sir." Scotty paused. "Ya' know in the academy when ya' think ya' know the blokes ya' hang uut with and yaar certain their jus' a bunch of brawling ingrates. Then they meet some lovely thing and suddenly their completely differen' people: polite, considerate, don' stay out too late?"

"I'm not following you here."

"Well, Sir. Most o' the time Mr. Spock is as a titanium-hulled core of liquid helium, but when you're around it's like he..." Scotty stalled.

"He warms up a few degrees?" Kirk ventured.

"Aye, more than that. He's like a lantern you're certain isna lit, but is actually just shuttered in your direction."

"All right, I've been blind." he tried to imagine half the crew tip-toeing around thinking... He shook his head and smiled wryly. The doors where opened by a staff member who came in and loaded a new disc into the projector. Kirk headed out toward the main room. Spock looked up from the battle hologram at them with curiosity. Kirk smiled at him and got an upraised brow in reply. He looked back at Scotty and noticed him talking to a short, black-haired firecracker of a women with almost too much make-up on. They talked a moment, then Scotty offered her an arm which she accepted and they headed for the door.

Grinning, Kirk turned back to his first. "I'm famished, care to head back to the hotel for a quiet dinner?"

"Indeed, Captain." Spock followed him out of the building.

Back in Kirk's room he ordered two light meals for delivery in an hour, then jumped in the shower. Disconcerted when he found himself scrubbing down more thoroughly than usual. It implied that he expected it to matter. Butterflies took flight in his gut at the thought. God, I feel like a teenager, he thought as he twisted to scrub between his toes.

Dried and dressed in casual civvies he walked back out into the main room of the suite. Spock stood at the window. It was only starting to reach evening, the lights on the street appearing barely brighter than the metropolis itself. Kirk checked in with the communications officer on duty and dealt with a few paperwork matters onboard. He was interrupted by the arrival of the robot room-service cart. It rolled into the room and stopped. Kirk closed his communicator and cleared the table. Spock walked over and Kirk offered him a seat as he served.

Kirk didn't notice the food much. When they'd both finished he looked up into Spock's almost expectant face. Kirk realized he was more nervous than he'd been since his first mission as a cadet. Relax Kirk, he told himself, you're very good at this. He stood up and offered his hands to the Vulcan who hesitated before accepting them and standing also. With chagrin, Kirk was reminded of their difference in height as he looked up at the other.

He led the way over to the padded bench by the windows. Orange now tinted the sky. "Nice view." he said looking out along the shore where the river poured lazily into the sea. The scene was almost flat: a ridge of craggy rocks broke the plain at the water, inland becoming low hills.

Spock sat watching him, not the view.

He had to start somewhere, so Kirk reached up and traced an angled brow with his thumb. He then did something he had been longing to do for years: fingered the point of one graceful ear. Spock dropped his eyes, "I expect I displease you." He stated roughly.

Kirk froze: he'd just unconsciously accentuated their differences. "Spock," he said in amazement, "you are beautiful." Kirk grasped the lean shoulders until the dark eyes met his. "Beautiful."

he repeated. "I am envious of your tall, lean gracefulness."

"But...alien." he said.

"And your point is?" Kirk asked, curious. "Spock," he let a scolding tone into his voice, "you can't possible believe you are ugly?"

"I spend very little time considering it, so I do not know." he said quietly.

Kirk ran his fingertips through the short black bangs. Then pulled the dark head forward and kissed him on the forehead and then the cheek. "Trust me, you are wonderful to look at." He pulled away and studied the other. "Are you sure you are ready for this?"

Spock nodded, "Yes." He thought a moment. "I expect I am not responding properly."

"That is all right. I just want to be certain I don't hurt you." Kirk slid one hand down to grasp a hot, long-fingered one. He looked at their joined hands. "Even your hands are beautiful." he observed.

Spock moved his hand over Kirk's with a sensuality that surprised the human. "Perhaps if I could have an outline of what you were intending for us to engage in?"

Kirk almost laughed. "An outline? It is just whatever we feel like doing."

"You have nothing in mind?"

"Well, I had a few possibilities in mind." Kirk took a deep breath. "I was going to see how you reacted to a few things."

"Such as?"

"Well, for starters..." He kissed him full on the lips. It took a few seconds, but the Vulcan caught up and the kiss deepened. Spock's mouth tasted of dried sassafras and bitter apple. The human broke it off.

"Your evaluation?" Spock asked.

"Pretty good." Kirk smiled and studied his face.

"What is next?"

"Are we going to analyze the whole evening?" Kirk asked.

"I am more comfortable doing so."

"Ah." Kirk fingered the collar of Spock's uniform tunic. "Well, I think I can work with that though it takes some of the romance out of it."

An eyebrow shot up and Spock said doubtfully, "Romance?"

Kirk felt defensiveness rising in himself. "Why not? What is wrong with that?"

"I just had not considered that it would apply to what..."

Kirk had pulled him forward and was kissing his left eyebrow while running his other hand over his torso.

"Perhaps I did not understand..."

"Leading you to understanding is the point of this evening, Spock."

Kirk ran his hand down one hard thigh.

"Indeed." Spock said. Kirk was massaging his thigh, a touch that promised more. "May inquire what is next?"

Kirk sighed and gave in. "Well, first I am going to remove your clothes--"

"That sounds uncomfortably cold."

Kirk nodded at the bedroom. "We can move to the bed."

Spock stood up immediately. Grinning to himself and shaking his head, Kirk followed.

Kirk pulled the covers back and invited Spock to sit down, feeling like a maitre d'. "Just a moment, let me get some supplies." Kirk said. He went to the washroom and fortunately found a small bottle of hotel oil; it was Deneb after all. He got a cloth wet with hot water and a touch of face soap and folded it into a bath towel to keep it warm. He brought both of these back out and set them beside the bed.

He then unsealed and pulled off Spock's blue tunic. The tight black shirt hinted at the lean musculature beneath. "You look roguish in black. Anyone ever tell you that?" He crouched to remove Spock's boots.

"No, Captain."

Kirk bristled and looked up at the other. "Call me Jim. When we are about to get into bed together, anyway."

"You are still in uniform." Spock pointed out.

Kirk yanked the gold shirt over his head with more force than he had intended and tossed it aside.

"I have angered you?"

"No." He set one boot aside and grasped the other. Spock wore his boots tight, Kirk thought. "No. It is just that... I need you as an equal." He shifted his hands to better grab the back of Spock's heel and started to pull.

"You are my captain in all ways, in all things." Spock said quietly.

Kirk froze holding Spock's booted foot in his hands. An emotional barrier inside of him had just given way. He was afraid to look up. He took a few calming breaths, trying to assess the damage, the new vulnerability. He swallowed hard and found the sense to finish pulling the well-polished boot off and set it aside.

Kirk finally looked up and met a gaze of calm innocence which held his own. He moved up to sit beside the other on the edge of the bed and took the lean form into his arms. Then, needing to balm the ache in his chest, lost himself in a hungry kiss and exploratory embrace.

Eventually, he pulled back and slid his hands out from under the black thermal shirt. He then changed direction and pulled the shirt off. He laid the other back and found the clasp on his pants. As he unhooked them a ripple raced across the taught abdomen along with a sharp intake of breath.

Kirk bent to taste nipple, pec, and navel, working gradually, teasingly downward. The human paused at waistband for any protest before sliding the uniform pants and underclothes down around smooth thighs. He stroked the lightly-furred skin of Spock's upper legs, touch alternately solid and feather-light. Spock tipped his head away in an apparent effort at control.

Kirk had seen the other naked many times in the locker room and when they had shared quarters, but other than satisfying basic curiosity he hadn't studied the other closely. The curly hair on the broad chest transitioned to soft, straight hair on his pelvis widening to surround bronze genitals. Spock gasped as Kirk ran the back of an index finger along the limp member. The shiny head was narrow and long by human standards, the balls smaller and tucked close to his body. Kirk stroked the penis more, not at all reticent about touching another man's genitals, which surprised him.

Spock's breathing became uneven as Kirk began coaxing his penis to lengthen. The long legs tried to shift against the binding of the pant waist. Kirk moved and drew them down over his feet and settled back beside the other as the long legs parted. Kirk continued stroking the way he himself would enjoy it. After three or four minutes a bronze erection finally stood up from black fur. It was narrow and much longer than human average, with the torpedo-shaped head constituting almost a third of the length.

Spock looked down at it and then at Kirk with an almost blameful expression. Kirk pulled the covers over Spock's long legs and slipped under himself before urging the Vulcan onto his side facing himself. He returned to gentle stroking and fondling.

"What is next?"

Kirk grinned this time at the question. "Depends upon what you prefer."

Kirk released him and stood up to undress. He did so languidly, enticingly. Naked finally, he slipped back under the covers. He had never had a man before though he had in the past one sex partner who liked to put a vibrator into him while she gave him a blow job. It had been cold plastic not warm soft flesh like this would be. He tried to imagine himself, legs bent and spread, at the edge of the bed urging Spock to penetrate him. He expected the thought to unsettle him, instead he felt a delicious rush at the eroticism at it. "I do not know." Spock said carefully, taking his time in replying.

Kirk moved over and lay on top of the Vulcan, the long cock trapped between their abdomens. Bending down he kissed the long neck, eliciting a very satisfying sigh of pleasure from the other. He decided that he could handle being taken by this wonderful being. That it would incredibly erotic to bring the other to completion with his body. The longer he considered it the more turned onto it he became.

Spock moved his hands to Kirk's ribcage and caressed with warm fingers. "You enjoy being touched." Spock stated at Kirk's reaction, a soft sigh. "I believe I can oblige." His hands trailed down over his sides, to hips and back again. "What are the options?" Spock asked as his need pressed its impatience on him.

Kirk moved his hips so his belly rubbed along the other. "Do you want me?" Spock nodded after a long moment. Kirk pulled his head back to look at him. "How long have you wanted me?"

Spock hesitated. "Since approximately the fourth week of our mission together."

"Spock! That was over two years ago." Kirk said in horror.

Spock nodded. "I am quite aware of that."

Kirk slipped his arms around beneath him and squeezed. "Oh, my poor Vulcan." He shifted to reach to the oil. "Let me make it up to you."

He said as he squeezed a generous pool of oil into his palm and after waiting a moment for it to warm, began coating the other with it with long strokes of his hand. Spock groaned and arched his back at the intense pleasure.

"Hmmm." Kirk said. "I'm glad you are so sexually sensitive."

An eyebrow went up. "I am completely unaccustomed to coping with such stimulation." He explained.

Kirk decided he couldn't possibly oil the Vulcan any more than this. "Are you ready?"

"For what?" Spock asked, surprised.

Kirk sat up and slid his legs off of the bed. "You'll see. Come here." Kirk urged. "Get out of the bed." Spock did so and stood beside the bed. Kirk pulled a pillow off of the bed and placed it beside it, below himself. "Kneel there." Again Spock obeyed though with uncertainty. Kirk lay back and scooted forward so his rear was off the edge of the mattress. He wrapped his legs around Spock's waist affectionately.

"You will allow..." Spock stopped and shook himself. He raised a trembling hand to touch Kirk's thigh.

Kirk pulled his legs back against his chest. "Put a little oil on your fingers. I need you to get me ready." Kirk said.

Spock reached over for the oil and squeezed some onto the fingertips of his right hand. He seemed to be moving in slow-motion as he set the bottle back down. He then reached between them, fingers exploring over heavy human testicles down to clenched anus.

Spock had never allowed his desire to leave the abstract, fearing what might result if he fed that core of untapped Vulcan passion, passion that wound inextricably into violence. As his finger slid inside the cool human flesh and he imagined his erection in its place, a core of hot ember flared inside of his lower abdomen. His balls tightened uncomfortably.

A second finger was added to better stretch the opening. Kirk moaned as a long digit stroked his prostate. Intense heat radiated from the Vulcan. It began to occur to Kirk that casual sex for Spock may not differ much from his Time. "Spock?" he said. Dark, very rational eyes looked up at him. Kirk smiled, reassured. "I think I'm ready."

Spock nodded and positioned himself. He sensed Kirk force himself to relax and pressed forward. Entry was easy. As the long glans slid in, Spock felt the exquisite pleasure of the opening clenching around his shaft. He pulled out again and slowly re-inserted himself a few times intensely aware of each subtle spot of friction and pressure. "Put it in farther." Kirk said roughly.

"I am savoring the experience of first entering you." Spock explained.

Kirk grinned in response. Then held his breath as he felt Spock pressing deeply into him, his warm narrow cock thankfully easy on him. A slow withdrawal followed. Such control, Kirk marvelled, watching the neutral face of his friend above him. "You can be a little more aggressive if you want," Kirk said.

Long hands grasped him and the next press inward was faster. Kirk relaxed farther, closing his eyes and riding along with it. Long minutes passed, Kirk's legs began to cramp so he propped them up on his arms. If Spock can wait two years, I can wait twenty minutes, Kirk thought, boney hips bumping his rear as Spock completed each trust.

A little sooner than that the rhythm began to change. The member inside of him was almost burning hot now. Spock gasped and grabbed spasmodically at Kirk's thighs and abdomen.

He's coming, Kirk thought in amazement. He opened his eyes and watched Spock's control break as intense pleasure distorted his features.

The tall Vulcan leaned over Kirk, clutching his arms painfully as he thrust faster into him, flesh slapping. Spock felt like a branding iron now and as hard as steel. Kirk curved his hips up to meet him, trying to ease the discomfort. The other gave a strangled moan and drove like a steam engine into him. Suddenly his mind exploded with pleasure radiating from his telepathic lover. Overwhelming wave after wave of it crashed into him. Some part of him heard them crying out in unison, just as another felt the painful ache of his own balls trying to ejaculate without being ready. Teeth clenched on his pec, on the side of his ribcage, drawing blood and stinging pain.

Full release met Spock just as he was certain he would go mad. He sobbed in relief and slowed his thrusting. Each stroke now sent sheets of spastic relief through his limbs as his balls relieved themselves into Kirk. Finally as the pleasure dissipated, he stopped and withdrew. Kirk shifted immediately, rolling his stiff legs to the side.

Kirk tried to catch his breath and slow his heart. Spock had frightened him at the end, though he doubted the other had noticed it. He tried to shake an ongoing feeling of panic. Spock sat down beside him, hand stroking Kirk's bruised arm. Feeling had returned to his legs so he rolled onto his back and looked up at his Vulcan.

Spock saw the red marks and rivulets of blood with shock.

"You lost yourself a bit there." Kirk said lightly. Spock stood and walked quickly into the other room. "Spock?" Kirk said, concerned.

"I am just getting the medkit." Spock called from the main room. "Those should not go untended for any length of time, Captain."

When Spock returned with the black case and sat on the bed Kirk said, " _Please_. Call me Jim."

Spock paused in unpacking the necessary supplies to meet his gaze of affection. He seemed to bristle at it. Kirk let it go. He lay back and let skilled hands flush and seal the marks on his chest. Warm emotion suffused him: he liked being taken care of, especially by this being.

Spock took the scanner out of the kit. "I'm all right otherwise." Kirk insisted.

"You are certain?"

Kirk nodded. "Go wash up and come back to bed. I'm not finished with you yet." he said seductively.

Spock's gaze dropped. "Even though I frighten you?" he said quietly, rearranging the items in the medkit even though they fit in already.

"Yes. Go." Kirk patted him on the side of one bare leg.

Spock was adjusting the shower temperature when Kirk entered the bathroom. The human used the facilities then came over as Spock cleansed himself with a well-lathered cloth. Kirk turned the translucent arc of door to the cylindrical stall so he could look in. "Can I help?"

Spock aimed the water away from the opening. Unbelievably another surge of arousal was building in him and he hoped to wash away some of his own scent which was contributing to the situation. Kirk watched him rinse off, beads of water flowing over his taut abdomen and hard muscular legs. Spock turned off the water flow and opened the door the rest of the way and stepped out. As he released the door it's balance turned it closed again. He looked at Kirk and noticed the human's erection. Kirk was holding a towel, presumably for Spock, but instead of handing it to him, he put it behind his back out of reach and stepped forward. He pressed Spock back against the shower door, on his toes for more height. Spock could feel the other's cock against his hip.

"Would you let me dry you off?"

Spock's hand traced the red marks on Kirk's arm. "I bruised you."

Spock observed evenly.

Kirk shook it off. "Don't worry about it," he said bringing a corner of the towel up to dry a few drops from Spock's face and neck. Spock shivered which made Kirk's arousal surge. He brought the towel up fully and buffed the other dry down to his long feet. Taking Spock by the hand, he led him back to the bed.

He laid the Vulcan back and stretched himself across the other. "I do not think it--" Spock began before being silenced by a cool mouth and invading tongue. Kirk didn't let up until he was certain the other would stay silent.

Kirk feared Spock would close up after unintentionally hurting him, and refuse to engage in anything again. Kirk had used sex for a lot of things, but never as such a pure form of communication. He desperately wanted Spock to understand that the injuries were meaningless and that he accepted him unconditionally.

He licked, nipped, and kissed every square inch of interesting flesh from aquiline nose to the taught inner thigh. By the time he returned to lips, Spock's eyes held a soft acceptance.

"Will you allow me to please you?" Spock said.

Kirk waggled his eyebrows at him. "I hoped you would ask that."

"What do you desire?"

"Hmmm." Kirk considered as he lay beside the other, tracing patterns through dark chest hair. He thought about long fingers, warm mouth, hard thighs. He didn't know enough about Vulcan anatomy to suggest the same as he gave and it seemed awkward to ask. He again imagined the warm mouth and felt his erection surge. "How about a blow job?"

"I believe I understand the colloquial reference and I do not mind obliging." Kirk grinned. Even in bed, Spock was still himself.

Kirk rolled his weight off of the other and urged him to slide down the bed. Spock grasped one round buttock and pulled himself closer drawing a sigh from the human. He is so easy to pleasure, Spock thought and relaxed at the realization that little was needed of him. He took the other into his mouth and tasted the salty skin, explored the irregular shape with his tongue and lips.

"Spock." Kirk spoke roughly. "Keep your lips over your teeth."

The other obliged and felt the cords and muscles under his hand slacken in response. Kirk lay still, accepting his ministrations with low groans and the occasional gasp.

After a few minutes the human's hips began moving in small thrusts. Spock matched this by placing both hands on the other's hips and guiding the motion to himself.

Kirk felt Spock grip his pelvis firmly. With each movement of his hips, the strong hands pulled him farther forward, and farther into the warm mouth and finally into the tighter throat. Being throated was not something he had ever experienced only heard locker-room discussions of despite many otherwise able partners. The deepest moment of enclosure held a satisfaction he had never felt.

Spock was handling him bodily now, Kirk had to hang onto his pillow to keep it under his head as he was shifted in and out of his lover's mouth. He moaned low and long and stopped delaying the orgasm. He ejaculated the instant he relaxed. Spock had control of the rhythm now and the orgasm was drawn out tormentingly as a result.

Kirk's organ fell slack and Spock released it. The human lay slack as well, unmoving. Spock moved back up the bed beside him.

"I hope that was sufficiently pleasurable."

Hazel eyes opened and Kirk pulled him down into an embrace with orgasm-slack muscles. "That was wonderful, my friend." Kirk looked up at the curved window, out at the stars. He then looked down at the face of the being in his arms. Perhaps one can have it all, he thought idly.

Kirk's scent had changed now, Spock observed since his nose was against the human's smooth chest. He parted his lips and let his tongue touch the sweat-sheened skin. The body beside him drew a sharp, surprised breath.

He lifted his head. "Have I done something wrong?"

Kirk looked at him. "No. No." He swallowed, fighting fantasies that were piling up rapidly in his fertile mind. "Spock. There is no right or wrong in bed, trust me."

"Indeed?"

"Beings may prefer different things, but if you really... uh, trust each other, there isn't anything that should be 'wrong'". He looked into the brown eyes and wondered why they hadn't done this sooner. He laid back and sighed.

"May I inquire what that was in expression of?"

Kirk grinned. "I am thinking of all the things I am going do to you in the future."

A concerned brow rose. "Such as?"

"Hmmm." Kirk mused, thinking of each of their quarters, of the interconnecting private corridor that contained only a chess set and table at the moment, but could accommodate a real mattress, of the computer lab, empty after-hours where up until now he had been unable to get the Vulcan to stop working. "You'll find out soon enough." He said, tightening his arms around the thin frame.

Spock bowed his head and again touched him with his tongue, this time investigating a nipple. He worked his way downward, succumbing to a desire to explore this being as thoroughly as he would any new discovery. Kirk's reactions were most fascinating, one area would elicit no response while another would call forth a vocalization of pleasure. When he ran his tongue over the flaccid penis Kirk actually cried out.

"It is very sensitive right now." Kirk explained.

"Does that mean you wish me to not disturb it?"

"Well, no. Not necessarily."

Long fingers explored his testicles. He parted his legs to allow better access. Spock's mouth had not ceased either and it currently moved along the tender flesh at the crux of his abdomen and his quadricep. The fingers moved lower to tease at his anus. One finger slipped into the still oily opening. Kirk squirmed.

"Are you sore still?" Spock removed his tongue from his flesh long enough to ask.

"Almost not at all." Kirk assured him.

"May I have you again?"

Kirk swallowed hard as his heart rate jumped. "Sure, but..." Spock paused. "I have this fantasy with you and the bathtub..."

Spock's eyebrow went up. Kirk found he was beginning to live for that expression.

"You have a fantasy with me in water?" He asked with disdain.

"Your aversion to water doesn't extend to bathing, does it?"

"Vulcan's never bathe. It is an unconscionable waste of water." Spock stated.

"Spock, Deneb's vast fresh-water ocean will not notice the absence of the three cubic meters needed to fill the tub in the bathroom."

Spock thought about that. "I suppose not."

Kirk slipped from his arms and headed to the bathroom.

Once there he bent over the tiled monstrosity along the far wall of the room and turned on the taps and the heating elements. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a warm hand stroked his inner thigh from behind. "Gods!" He exclaimed and straightened, turning. "Not used to that." He said, pulling himself together.

"Should I refrain from touching you unaware in the future?"

"No. No. I don't mind. I'll be ready for it next time."

"There are still parts of you I have not touched or examined." He stated.

Kirk whimpered internally. Oh, to have more of that marvelous scrutiny on his person, maybe for an extended period of time. Kirk tested the water and stepped into the rapidly-filling tub. "Forty-two all right with you?" Kirk asked.

Spock raised a brow. "Is that a position?"

Kirk snorted and grinned. "It's a temperature."

"Ah, indeed."

Kirk sat back into the navel-deep water. He arched himself suggestively. "If you want me, you'll have to come and get me." He teased.

Spock stood beside the tub with a dubious expression. "You will have to exit eventually."

Stretching languidly, Kirk replied, "Yes, but not for a while. A long while." The Vulcan sat on the edge of the tile support for the tub, staring at the surges of bubbles and water between them. Kirk waved his arms in the now nipple-deep liquid. "I'm ready for you." Kirk urged. Spock closed the valve beside him as the water reached seated shoulder height. "Mmmm..." Kirk murmured as he settled into the water.

After a few minutes, Kirk cracked his eyes and noticed Spock unmoved beside the tub. He suppressed a crooked grin and slid up to sit on the edge of the tub letting his legs dangle in the swirls. He ran one hand suggestively down his own chest and met the unreadable dark eyes. As he grasped his own penis his chin tilted up. "Mmm..." He murmured again as he stroked himself easily into an erection. Spock watched as one hand roamed the smooth, strong chest and the other milked the dark cock.

Kirk closed his eyes on the completely unreadable face of his new lover and rested his back against the wall behind him. He spread his legs and accentuated the movement of his hips. Moments after a slightly exaggerated groan he felt hands needily grasping his thighs, pulling him forward. A hot cock pressed bluntly at his butt crack before plunging heedlessly into him. Kirk kept his eyes shut, kept stroking himself. Spock's head rubbed his prostrate just right on the second trust and the human came with a long deep satisfying orgasm.

The pleasure wilted away and Kirk opened his eyes to watch Spock, thigh-deep in the water, fucking him. The dark hair on the Vulcan's chest was still dry. Kirk grasped the tub edge and pushed forward. "My legs are getting stiff, get in the water."

After a hesitant moment, Spock obeyed without losing his rhythm. Kirk relaxed into the hot, bubble-induced zero-g. As the water lapped his shoulders, Spock shook himself with apparent distaste.

"Not that bad is it?"

A derisive expression answered for the Vulcan. It dissolved quickly though as he settled back into the activity at hand. When the climax came it seemed to require far more concentration then the earlier one.

Dark eyes opened and Spock shook his head as if to clear it. Kirk shifted forward to embrace him which also served to make it difficult for the other to exit the tub.

"Stay for a while." Kirk half-pleaded.

Spock looked down at him with a long-suffering expression but settled against the bench along the wall of the tub behind him. He tried to relax. Kirk reached up and turned off the jets. The water rapidly stilled and quieted until the droplets inside the piping sounded almost intolerably loud. Steam rose from the surface like smoke.

Kirk studied the hard, chiselled features a moment. "Want to get out?"

"Indeed."

Kirk chuckled and stood up and assisted the other to do the same. He repeated the earlier drying routine with silent efficiency before wrapping a large dry towel around the spare frame.

Back in the bedroom it was too early to sleep. Kirk started the tea pot and sat down on the couch. Spock sat also about a foot away.

Watching the Vulcan out of the corner of his eye, the human made them each a cup of tea. Kirk suddenly realized he felt intensely uneasy.

He handed over a steaming cup, believing he kept his emotions to himself.

"Everything all right, Jim?"

Finally. Kirk thought in reference to the use of his given name. "I am uh..." He disposed of his tea bag. "...feeling uncertain. I have to get used to this, that's all."

"Can you elaborate?"

Taking a deep breath, Kirk fished for something plausible to explain it. "Well, the crew is going to treat us differently. Though half of them thought we were lovers before, so maybe that isn't going to be a problem. And, well, I have a hard enough time sending you out on dangerous missions already. It's okay, I can handle it, just need to get used to it."

Spock, hands wrapped around his untasted tea, gave him a piercing appraisal. "Do you regret--"

"No." Kirk answered emphatically. "No. I just need to adjust. Maybe that doesn't make any sense to you, but try to accept it. I've always wanted to get to know you better. Now I can."

Spock's damp bangs were mussed. Kirk smiled to himself at the endearing look it gave Spock's rigid appearance.

"You don't mind sharing yourself, do you?" Kirk asked.

Spock held still in thought. After a long moment he shook his head. "No. Not with you."

Kirk smiled again to himself and felt the restriction on his chest dissipate. He breathed freely and leaned forward for a soft kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note: Any resemblance the capital city of Deneb may have to Rotterdam is not purely coincidental.
> 
> Challenge: Two scenarios: Spock can tolerate Kirk with women, but a man is too much and Spock doesn't like water but Kirk would like to play around in some, how does he get his feline friend to cooperate?


End file.
